I remember the day my mother passed away. I remember I had stayed the night at my best friend's house because my father was with my mother at the hospital and my sister had to work. They were transferring my mother to a better hospital because her health was declining. In transit, she transitioned on. My father held her hands and watched her leave him. Her children. Her friends and all who knew her and loved her. When my sister came to get me, she just looked at me with tears in her eyes. It was like she was afraid to tell me because she herself didn't want to believe it. To say it would make it too real. All she could muster was, "she's gone". I felt numb. I expected it but didn't know what to do with my new life. My colorless life because our rainbow was gone. How do you go on in life when you're used to rainbow waking you? Making you breakfast? Cheering you on at your games? How? One thing I learned is that rainbows never die. They shift their placement, they take different shapes, they decide when to be transparent, they are vibrant, and energetic, and they transcend beyond what we can often see. One thing I know she wanted, I know she needed was rest. She knew that she had poured everything into me that she could and the last thing she would give herself is the rest her body wanted, needed, and deserved. So how do you move on after experiencing such a phenomenon every day? One day at a time. One spark at a time. You realize that the life you don't see anymore is alive in your memories and the lessons you learned from them. You live honoring every breath you take for the one who is now breathless. I remember somebody saying to me, "if my mother left me, I would lose my mind" and you may feel that way. But when you are raised by a rainbow you know you must live. That colorful, vibrant, energy cannot die. It courses through your veins and those memories you have compel you to live. You won't lose your mind because The One who created you will keep you. The one who birthed you raised you to war against anything that would stop you from living the life you wanted.
So daughter, LIVE YOUR LIFE. Live it because she gave you life to live. Live it because she no longer can in her own flesh. Live it because she knew you were not waste and this Earth needed you. Live because YOU are somebody else's rainbow. Your vibrant energy is needed. You need you. Your children need you. Your community needs you.
Mother's Day and any day can be hard for us because any awesome memory can trigger us, I encourage you to feel all of your feelings. Take it all in. Grieve, cry, scream, ask your friends and family for help. Then when you are done, you clean your face and you live your life boldly and courageously. You smile and do whatever it is to honor the woman you miss and to let your rainbow shine while we all stand in amazement.
You are loved,